You see, I know the struggle all to well. I, too, have been accused of not performing my race well, and have received comments from "you don't act Black" to "you're not like the OTHER Black people" from both Black and Non-Blacks alike. So chil' to help you, I have created the ultimate negro manifesto so you perform race right.
Especially in periods of high racial tension in the United States, it's important to have a united front, and as Fabolous once said "If they ain't all dimes, then point the [chick] out/She get ejected, and corrected, like a miscount".
Let's get to chuckin' and jivin' shall we?
Oh no, no, no, no, no, you silly goose?! Why would you do such a thing. Forget the fact that you went to school, and learned other ways to express your inner most thoughts. YOU ARE A NEGRO, you don't express feelings. Oh, well, I guess if YOU MUST. Do it in the simplest way so EVERYONE understands you. Don't be a show off, nobody likes that shit.
You are strictly limited to listening, and openly supporting other Black entertainers.
I don't care how cool you thought Macklemore's last album was, you better save that shit for a rainy day and tell me what you thought about the BET awards this year. Your explanation for how problematic rap and hip-hop lyrics can be at times, is laughable. And if you call out Bill Cosby, and Floyd Mayweather on their sexist, machoist, detrimental male entitlement over women, you are A TRAITOR committing the highest treason of niggatry.
$$ ITS ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS BABY$$
If you ain't talkin' money, you don't make sense. Classism IS NON-EXISTANT. If you feel you are from a working class family, or a low income family, or even better, a NO income family, you still have to keep up with the latest trends in fashion. That means, when them new Jordans come out, by ANY MEANS NECCESSARY you have to try to keep up. You want to be accepted, right? You want to be able to date, and socialize amongst thee other Black folks? So even when money is tight around the house, even if you are in the shelter (which of course you should NEVER talk about openly), even if your family is on public assistance; in NO way are you to live within your means, because it'll just make you look broke.
Women: Don't connect with each other
If you are a Black female, it is not OK to then walk up to another female and smile politely, and introduce yourself. Are you stupid? You talking to them for what, because you ACTUALLY thought ya'll could be friends?
Men: Don't check ya boy
You with your boys, and ya'll see a baddie with her friends and ya get all Chris Brown 'em.
B. Just Kanye shrug it off and stay in your lane.
Who cares that he just went off on her? Who did SHE think she was not giving him the time of day? That's her fault. She should've... she should've done something. I don't know what that something is, and neither do you but rejecting a man? Oh nah. And never mind the fact that your friend gave her further reasoning why she shouldn't date him in the first place, that's just who your boy is. Boys will be boys.
Save the emotions for drama
You are Black, so you have three emotions: neutral, excitement, and anger. Anything else is sure signs that you aren't Black. Black people don't get depressed, or sad, or overwhelmed. We are STRONG. We are POWER. WE CAN NOT SHOW WEAKNESS. Even if you aren't getting the financial support you need. Even if you are on the verge of eviction. Even if you aren't sure where your childrens' next meal is going to come from, you better swallow that shit and keep it pushing. May I remind you that our ancestor went through worse than a break up. I mean, so what if slavery happened 150 years ago, and you feel a knot in your chest and stomach because your son or daughter can't afford to go to their dream school, slavery trumiphs all. So either be pissed off, excited (please be sure to incorporate all stereotypical expectations when performing excitement, violence, disruption, disregard for social order, etc.), or just be neutral (people will perceive this as anger depending on the other emotions you might be feeling, but can't express)
Health conscious is for White people
Listen here, i don't care what the doctor told you your glucose level is looking like, if it ain't cheap, greased up, fried, or grandma ain't used to make it, don't try to share it with others. That's not Black. No, no, no. Nobody cares about this Kale recipe you saw on Food Network yesterday, Anfernee!
All in all, you want to avoid being unique. You are only limited to what others perceive you as. When it all boils down all that matters is what people can see about you, you know the tangible things; sexual orientation, gender, race, age, religious affiliation, blah, blah, blah, and if you can't even perform your race right, why bother existing?
UP NEXT: THE CHRISTIAN MANIFESTO: GOD IS WATCHING YOU, SO GET UP ON THAT PEDESTAL AND PERFORM.