We all know what needs to be done here; we all know what the fair thing to do here is. I don’t think there’s a person in this world that hasn’t had bad things happen to them. And if they say they haven’t, we all know that they’re lying to themselves more than anyone.
For decades your husbands’ lies have done more harm, than good, to more people than he can imagine, especially towards you. And I understand that as a good wife, you must do what you feel is appropriate to protect him, his reputation and yourself. But as a better woman, I feel it’s time you’ve apologized to the women your husband assaulted, and whom you compare to the University of Virginias’ victims.
One of the hardest parts of being a survivor of sexual assault, that I’ve come to learn, is getting people to believe what you’re saying. It’s a shame, the power struggle. Having to be your own advocate, support system, and defense attorney, in proving that an atrocity has taken place.
The emotional toll this leaves on survivors is astronomical! It affects them socially, and emotionally. They feel isolated, alone, ashamed, for what someone else has done to them. They are now carrying a weight, a burden that they shouldn’t have to, because no one is willing to believe in them.
While there might have been cases where women “cries rape” with the intentions to deceive, that doesn’t mean that EVERY case must be treated with the same skepticism.
On my college campus, there was a fraternity that, amongst the students, we knew NO ONE should go to their parties. Around campus, the house that belonged to the fraternity was known for getting into various issues surrounding sexual harassment, inappropriateness, and in some cases, attempted rape. But that doesn’t mean everyone will listen.
A few young women still attended those parties, were given date rapes, and have been forcibly groped or assaulted. I’ve even been in situations personally, where I was physically harassed without consent at an off-campus party, and in each instance, campus police/city police needed “MORE” to do something. It wasn’t until a fight between the fraternity and the victims’ friends broke out, that action took place.
And before we jump and blame women and say, “well, they didn’t listen, they should’ve protected themselves”, I think it’s fair to say that NO one should have to live in a society where they have to tip toe on hells boundaries. Instead coming up with safety tips, and encouraging women to be “more pro-active in their safety”, we need to eradicate the problem at hand. RAPIST. CREEPS. Men who feel entitled to womens’ bodies rather than cherishing the sacred power of it.
We need to stop automatically jumping to men defense every time a sexual assault case springs up. Nobody is seeking to harm anyone for the sake of harming them, there’s always a reason. If you can’t be sure as to whom to believe, remain neutral but I always believe the victim. Because even if there’s no basis behind what they’re saying, there must be SOMETHING to what they’re saying.
From woman to woman,
Kamilah H. Badiane