Sad to say but this isn't the first time I had to spring into action in defense of Black woman and girls, while talking to a POC . I've heard everything from "I don't want my kids to have this kind of hair" to "I refuse to date dark skin women because their labias/vaginas look like roadkill compared to light skin women".
What people who make these statements don't know is that through these hateful comments, they are depleting themselves of their Black identity that has been passed ...
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When it came down to questioning why I deleted him off Facebook, I kept it 100 with him (as I do with anyone): "If you hate me, why should I keep you on my Facebook?" He proceed to defend himself by saying that "Black women are crazy! They always want to argue!" He also mentioned that he "loves Latina girls" because "they're the closest thing to Black and they aren't that crazy."
This type of hate is so problematic on several levels. First things first, if you can say something so despicable to me, I could only imagine the other countless "fuckboy" antics he must put on that would make a woman go off on him.
Secondly, we must be careful on how we generalize ALL women and ALL men. By saying ALL Black women are crazy, you're now stating that Black women have an irrational anger problems that is just beyond your comprehension.
I was reading one of my MUST read books "Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women" by Melissa V. Harris-Perry and in it she talks about a crooked room. According to Harris-Perry, scientist conducted a experiment where people had to sit in a crooked chair, in a crooked room, and sit up as straight as they could. Some people successfully sat straight in the chair, others only assumed that they were sitting straight, due to the perception that was created by the crooked room and the crooked chair. Others, however struggled to sit straight in their chair.
Black women are constantly trying to "sit straight" in the "crooked room" that society puts us in. As Harris-Perry described this room, I've thought about how many times I've shifted in the crooked seat of the crooked room. How many times I've tried not to "overreact" to things people do to me that was just flat out wrong, so I don't get perceived as angry. Or how many times I've had to suppress my Black identity so people can be more comfortable around me. All these tid bits are ways that other women have attempted to sit straight in a crooked room.
The crooked room is built by the stereotypes that are projected into the minds of society, so automatically when a Black woman is wearing a plain face and not smiling, or when we're addressing issues in a passionate manner; something is wrong - she is angry. Nonetheless, don't we all get angry? Don't we all snap from time to time? And even then, does that mean we're less deserving of affection and love because we have authentic emotions?
Hair is another problem. Anytime I see a woman of color with kinky (also known as, but I hate the terminology so this the last time I'm using it, 'nappy') attempting to straighten, perm, or weave her hair, I consider this as another way in which WOCs are trying to sit straight in a crooked room.
Only more recently has the natural state of Black women hair is becoming popular. But even then when I watch "How To Get Away with Murder", or "Scandal", or "Empire", the media has these strong, Black woman characters with their hair perfectly straighten. Unless Annalise Keaton is at home, behind the walls of society, do we see her true hair. And that doesn't help the fact that some of my friends want to marry outside of their race because their Black daughters will have "better quality hair".
And then it hits me.. what about our future daughters? When we make these comments, what will we be passing on down to them? My Facebook friend is a Black man, so it scares me to think that, let say he does have kids with a Latina woman.. will he be denying their Black identities?
What do you think of all this? Is it wrong to "hate Black women" or is it all about preference? Do Black men or POC have a personal responsibility to address these issues?