Don't get me wrong I LOVE HIP-HOP, I LOVE MEN, I LOVE MY BROTHAS but over the past couple of month, I've questioned my support for the men in Hollywood.
How many Black men in Hollywood are married to Black women? By Black I mean her descendent were of African or American roots.
How many of those Black women look like you and I?
Of those Black women, how many are of a darker complexion?
How many of the women men in Hollywood are married to have not had surgical enhancement procedures?
How many of those women are of multicultural backgrounds (Asian, Native American, Latina, etc.)?
How many of those women are NOT on a television show, magazine covers, or otherwise glorified?
What inspired me to write this blog is the increasing disrespect of women in the media by popular Black, Hollywood men. Starting with Ludacris, who you may remember as being accused of misogyny many moons ago by the fabulous Mama O, and his child custody battle with the mother of his daughter, Tamika Fuller.
According to court recordings provided by TMZ, Tamika Fuller testified to having Ludacris pressure her into getting an abortion, in exchange for "$10,000 and a house". According to Ms. Fuller, Ludacris was devastated when he received news that she was pregnant. "He cried and he was just- well, it wasn't that he wasn't happy because he did say 'Well you know, this isn't something that we planned, let's move forward and get an abortion'", according to court transcripts provided by TMZ.
Not only was Tamika Fuller painted as an unfit, money hungry, baby mama looking to milk this Black famous man of his wealth, but when the judge granted Ludacris custody, Ludacris submitted a statement to People's Magazine stating that he was the most "qualified and fit" parent.
"After review of all the evidence, the testimony of the witnesses, the report of the guardian ad litem, and the claims made throughout this entire case, I am gratified that the judge found me to be the most fit and proper parent to have primary physical custody of our beautiful daughter," Bridges, 37, said in an exclusive statement to PEOPLE.
This narrative of the money hungry, gold digging baby mother really grinds my gears ya'll. Maybe its because I know second hand what it's like raising a kid on one income, and the envy that can stem when your baby father is out blowing money on extravagant vacations, while you are left with a baby he doesn't want!
More than recently, I've noticed that most rappers are dating or marrying women who are "Foreign", as Trey Songz puts it. Light skinned, exotic features, drastically curvacious bodies, or slender/athletic bodies, with long hair. Not just rappers, but NBA players, and football players. And why not, right? They have money, they "shouldn't have to settle", but the message that this conveys to young men is that if you're successful, you should have a woman who looks like a Kim Kardashian, because all those other women aren't deserving of love, attention or respect.
Speaking of Kim Kardashian, can we talk about how in every interview Kanye gives and he is talking about Kim, her beauty is more glorified than hmmm let's say her entrepreneur skills, or her ability to juggle motherhood and her celebrity career, or her fashion capabilities. In this instant, these "foreign" women are just trophies to these men rather than a partner that adds to.
And yes, you can damn straight call me a hater! But I'm not jealous of the women, or their relationship to beautiful, wealthy, and gifted men. I'm mad because all that is available to me is white men who either are: A. Intimidated B. More concerned about my race than me or C. Not concerned about my race at all. Or the brothers who A. Aren't in school, or never attended a four year school B. Ridiculously unconscious of the world around him C. Interested in strictly casual sex. I would name other races, but I've never been provided with the opportunity to date them, but as far as I can tell; they aren't the most enthusiastic interracial daters.
I'm hating because when I see all the smart, beautiful, gifted Black men out there, they are either talking about how all or most Black women are cheats, connivers, con artist, evil, hoes, and basically if you want to get extreme, they paint us out to be terrorist who uses our vaginas as a weapon. Pedop- I'm sorry, I meant rapper Tyga recently gave an interview stating that Black girls are lacking appropriate role models to look up to, to which my favorite blog Tea and Breakfast shut that down real fast.
The problem with Tyga, Kanye, and many other mens' perception of Black women is that they can only see the physical aspect of a woman. "How is the public perceiving her?","Does she dress like this?","Is her sexuality transparent, or nah?" all that other stuff such as mindset, motivation, character, are all an after thought. And I'm worried that our younger generation are absorbing these messages at a faster rate, with young boys writing girls who aren't deemed as socially accepted/attractive as "ugly" or young girls believing that the only way to keep a guys attention is if she is dressing/acting/looking like John Legends' wife, or Beyonce.
How Can We Combat This?
Yes, you are allowed to have a preference, and no I'm not saying all men, but I can't think of a time where a dark skinned woman was put first. And how come light skin, long haired is the preference? Never have I ever heard of the preference being anything other than that, which is hard on a girls mind. Attractive has been deconstructed and rebuilt into the images of prominent Black women that you see above.
Fathers, look your daughter in the face and tell her she is power. Don't tell her she is beautiful, don't tell her that she is smart, tell her she controls everything. Give her the keys to the car and let her test it out (I'm speaking metaphorically of course). Be a role model, take her to the mirror and stand beside her and highlight all your features, flaws and all, together. Let her own herself before she seeks validation elsewhere.
Mothers, tell your sons that a womans' determination is more appealing than how big her butt is, how silky her hair is, or how light her complexion is. Beauty isn't going to hold you up when you're dead broke, it isn't going to raise your kids, and it isn't going to inspire or enlighten you. Beauty wears out with age, but character is strong forever.
In order to change the culture, we must get rid of the boxes that women are held in. We must change our perception of what's important, and appreciate the deeper qualities.